Well Hello November,

"There will be days that you don't think you can do it anymore and then tomorrow will come" via Lindsey @Give In To Me

The above quote might seem so simple to "normal" people but, to this ARNG wife it means that there is going to be a break in the dark clouds. I'm not sure if anyone out there noticed I haven't been writing lately. I guess my husband leaving hit me harder then I thought. Add my mom's surgery and the problems that came with it, my in law drama, and my sister in law announcing her suprise and unexpected pregnancy I guess I haven't been up to writing. I've been so down lately, trying to figure out how in the world I can do 11 more months of all of this. How I can make it through 11 more months of being alone. Then I read that quote that was left in my comments and I realized that all you can do is take it one day at a time. Not everyday is bad. It isn't even that hard until I slow down, get relaxed, and get ready for bed.

I get to fly to Texas next week to see my husband on his leave before they official leave the country. I've never flown before and I can tell you I'm not excited about any of the flying experience. I just keep reminding myself that I'm too old to be a big baby (lol) and that I'm doing it for my honey. I'll make sure I post a few pictures of the trip :)

ps. Happy Halloween everyone!!

Hickory Farms and Christmas Care Package

If anyone is looking for a Christmas Care Package idea check out Hickory Farms. They have put together a few miltary gift packages and are offering free shipping to APO and FPO addresses. These are a tradition in my family. We get one every year so I know they are yummy :)

MOB

My husband left this week. I can't believe our deployment journey has begun.  I am thankful that he'll stay in the states for a few more weeks. Even though we're not in the same state at least I know he's a little safer then if he wasn't. It was harder then I thought but, I'm taking it one deep breath at a time.

Down to the Wire

That's right. We're down to the D-day wire. I've been slipping with blogging because of the MAJOR list of to-dos. Oh and we had to move two weeks earlier then planned. My husband was never suppose to move with me but, sometimes things come up. I guess. I'm still a litle ticked off about the whole situation. Anyway back to our to-dos. I can be the worst procrastinator out there but, I've met my match in my husband. Even though we have a crap load to do hours go by and then days and nothing has gotten done. I'm about ready to scream. Getting him to do any of this is like pulling teeth and half of it doesn't even have to do with me. By the time this deployment is over all my beautiful red hair is going to be as white as the cobwebs in the corner of the room. Which reminds me... I need to dust. On another had, Halloween is coming up... Just kidding. I have to find motivation to get some of these things done and stuff unpacked. I guess it's because the thought of my husband leaving my side is so depressing that I would rather not do anything that has to do with him leaving. I know, of course, that can't get the case but, it is fun to think about. Not caring. Not being responsible. Just spending every mintue with each other and hoping those things will just get done all on there own. If only life could be as easy as that.

Yellow Ribbon Program

This past weekend my husband and I, along with about 600 or more other people, attended our first yellow ribbon of our upcoming deployment. For those who do not know what the Yellow Ribbon Program  is, it's a DOD program to help support National Guard and Reserve members and their families with information on benefits and referrals before, during, and after a deployment.


If 9/11 weekend wasn't already hard enough we had to sit and hear about all the military programs to help us as our husband,wives,brothers,sisters, daughters , and sons go away to war. Many for the first time. As hard as it was to face the fact that this is about to happen I can't express how glad I am that my husband and I decided to attend. A lot of people say that the yrp is death by power point and even though it may feel like that if you take the time to actually listen to all the great information they are giving it's really not that bad. The best part of the whole weekend besides my husband and I getting away for the weekend was all the great companies that took time to come tell us about things I know most of the families wouldn't have known about otherwise. They set up booths and we could go by and talk to them personally and pick up pamphlets and booklets along with some nice freebies.

 I was really worried going into it that I wouldn't enjoy it just because it was getting us ready for something I already don't want to think about. I have to admit that the weekend really opened my eyes to a few things. One being that acting like that was just silly. It's so important to be as prepared as possible. The more prepared the better off you'll be to handle the stresses that are bound to come your way. I've also realized that my feelings lately are just getting in my own way. Of course no one wants their loved one to go to war but, letting it consume you will only make it worse. My husband was handed his official orders this weekend while I was standing next to him. It just made me realize that like it or not this is happening. I can let it defeat me or I can get on board. Either way he is leaving. There is absolutely nothing I can do about it and nothing I can do to stop it. I don't have to like it but, I've realized that for the sake of my sanity, my marriage, and my husband it's time to suck it up and get over it. We're not the first couple to have to go through this and we won't be the last!

Lists, lists, and more lists

As D-day gets closer I find myself making lists. So many lists. To do lists, to pack lists, activities lists, and to buy lists. All these lists are saying to me is "times a ticking!" It's time to kick it into high gear!! Most of my lists are pre-deployment lists. If you're a list person and looking for a pre-deployment check list check this one out! > USAA :) 

I just don't want to forget anything. When my husband went to his 3 week AT so many things went wrong because we weren't as prepared as I thought we were. I can't let that happen this time. I mean this isn't a 3 week trip. This is a 365 day trip! There isn't room to not be prepared.

With roughly 3 weeks left I can already feel a nervous break down coming on. WATCH OUT! haha

Labor Day weekend

It's been a roller coaster of a weekend. It all started Thursday night. As I mentioned in an earlier post we had to cancel my husband's going away party because his manager decided to make him work. Or so we thought. He called to get his schedule Thursday and she had him off Saturday and Sunday. I can't express how pissed I was about it. After all the crap she put us through about wanting that day off and then she gives him that day off AFTER we cancelled it. REALLY?
Friday comes and I tried to let go of the stress of different things and get excited about my husband coming home and his suprise birthday party. I was already upset because his parents and one of his sisters back out of coming to his birthday dinner. So we're left with my parents, two brothers, and one of his sisters. By this point I was just done with the whole thing. I go and pick my husband up and we have a good dinner and he seemed to enjoy his self. We are on the ride home and he decides it's a good time to confess that he didn't tell me that he did something he wasn't suppose to do while he was gone. I already have trust issues so I snapped. He leaves when we get home and I just go to bed. I had enough.
Saturday is here and we make up. All day. haha There isn't much to say about Saturday other then, I never realized how important a simple touch can be until you haven't had that feeling in awhile.
Sunday was pretty lazy too. I was a little bummed that we didn't do anything with his two days off but, he had been gone for 3 weeks training so I tried to understand that he wasn't in the mood to get up and do anything.
Now we're at Monday. It started raining early this morning thanks to hurricane Lee. I don't mind it too much. I love the rain and it helps the temperatures come down. I've spent the day alone since Chris had to work a double today. And we're in for the same tomorrow. It's just so good to finally have him home. I don't look forward to next months and having to say our good-byes.....

Life Isn't Fair

UGH! It's September 1st. I can't believe we've come down to our last month. I really thought I was doing better then I am. I guess all we have left to do on top of our "see you later"s is really getting to me. It's times like this that I HATE being an adult. I think this whole experience has really been an eye opener. I've realized how deep my love for my husband goes. I thought I was head strong and an independent thinker before all this. HA I'm realizing now that I haven't seen anything yet. Not only will I have to do for myself but, for my husband too. I have to be the mind for both of us during times we can't talk.
My parents have always told me "Life isn't fair". That statement has taken on a whole new meaning lately. They weren't kidding....
I know in the end I'll be okay but, for now, I'm going to reserve the right to not be okay... just for a little while.....

In saying all of that I want to add this video my brother posted on his facebook and the lyrics that mean the most to me




"You can't hold back the hands of time
It's just something you've got to do
So dry your eyes I understand just what you're going through..."

Bittersweet Reality

I think the title really explains it all. I've been having a lot of those "ah ha" and "uh oh" moments. Time is ticking down. I just don't feel ready. The closer D-day comes the worse my emotions become.
This last week of my husbands annual training has been horrible. I've been sick because I had an allergic reaction to the tongue piercing I got this past Thursday. I had to finally take it out last night. What a waste of 30 dollars. Ugh! I'm still kicking myself over that.

Anyways, when I'm sick I become a big baby. I don't want to have to take care of myself. I don't want to be alone. I don't want my husband to leave me for a year. I don't want to do this. I keep thinking if only my husband would have gotten out this wouldn't be happening. That's one thing that's different about our deployment then others. My husband's contract was going to be up before they deployed. He didn't have to go. He could have walked away. We spent MANY nights fighting and crying and screaming about it. Looking back on it I'm ashamed of the way we both acted. I just couldn't understand why my new husband wanted to leave me so bad. Why this was even a discussion. I guess the shock of things really got the best of me. I've since made peace with it. Their really wasn't a reason to let it drag me down. It wouldn't have done any good because he would still be leaving.

All that brings us to now. The month before "see ya later". There is SOOO much to do in such a short time. Between trying to do the last minute deployment stuff and spending time doing what we want together, I'm moving. This is going to be one stressful,stressful month!!

2 weeks down, 1 to go

Yesterday marked the two week mark since my husband has been gone to his 3 week AT. It hasn't been bad at all. I really haven't had enough down time to really think about him being gone. Tonight is really the first I've had to myself. Between my brother visiting from England, one of my sister in laws coming over on her days off, and visits to my parents house I've stayed really busy. Now that I'm alone everything is hitting really hard. A week isn't long and we've been apart a lot longer. It's the thought of him deploying soon after he comes home that gets to me. I've learned during this 3 weeks how important it is to stay busy but, I also know that won't always be possible. I don't want people to feel like they have to baby-sit me. But, I can't help but realize how lonely a year is really going to be. With no children, limited friends, and a family that have their own lives I'm going to be completely alone.
Today and what I'm going through reminds me of one of my great grandmothers. She passed away 2 years ago, today, at the age of 98. Her husband, my papaw, fought in WWII. She knew what it was like to be married to an Army man. I would give anything to be able to talk to her right now. To ask her how she did. To ask for her words of wisdom that I miss so much. Their isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss her and my other great grandmother. They were both extremely strong women. I want to hold on to the faith that they will both help me through all this. RIP my beautiful guardian angels!

Helpful Hints

I want to use this entry as an opportunity to list a few helpful things I've learned or come across during our pre-deployment phase and military life. I want to note though that my husband is in the Army National Guard so some of these may or may not apply to everyone. I'm just writing from my personal experience. Any links will be in blue :)

1. Military OneSource- Military OneSource is provided by the Department of Defense at no cost to active duty, Guard and Reserve (regardless of activation status) and their families. It is a virtual extension of installation services.This site has been an absolute God send. I have gotten so many helpful books, cd's, and DVDs sent to my home for FREE. They provide a 24/7 help line, articles, resource guides and so much more!
2. USAA- USAA offers Insurance (auto insurance, property insurance, life insurance), Banking (checking, credit cards, and auto loans),  Investments, Retirement, Real Estate, and they even have a section for shopping and discounts. We personally use their car insurance and we LOVE it! It's the cheapest we've found. We've only made one claim since we've had it but, the experience we had was better then any company we've used. They were speedy, nice, and really helpful through the whole experience. We plan on looking into their banking very soon so stay tuned. :)
3. Army Wife 101- This is a blog like website that is run by an Army wife named Krystel. If you have Facebook,Twitter, or Youtube you HAVE to check her out!
4. Army Wife Network- This site is exactly what it says it is, a network. Blogs, announcements, and articles are just a little of what it offers. I really enjoy following them on Facebook.
5. Spouse Buzz- I just found this site and I'm already in love. It has some really great articles to read.
6. Military Info- You got a question about the military and it's different programs? This is the site to find it on!
7. Books- Chicken Soup for Military Wife's Soul,  Surviving Deployment: A Guide for Military Families by:Karen M. Pavlicin, Homefront Club: The Hardheaded Woman's Guide to Raising a Military Family by:Jacey Eckhart, Heroes at Home: Help and Hope for America's Military Families by: Ellie Kay, A Handbook for Family & Friends of Service Members (before, during and after deployment)(handbook and dvd) by: Inc.Vulcon Productions,PBS, and NOVA/WGBH. Some of these are provided by Military OneSource for free so please click on the link on number 1.

I know that in my experience, knowledge is power. The more I know about what's going on the better I feel. Our spouses can't always tell us all the juicy details we want to know but, we can inform ourselves on the aspects of this life that we can know about. I know with my SO he doesn't always have the time to explain what I need to know or want to know so I find out for myself. I love the look on his face when he talks about something that I already know about and I tell him things he doesn't know about it. I think it also helps him feel more open about talking with me about his military career because it shows that I'm interested in it and he knows he won't have to explain everything to me. I hope some of these resources will help you all. Stay tuned for more to come! :)


 

Some days...

Ever notice how some days are better then others when a loved one is gone? I can be having a perfectly fine day and one song or smell or object can send it down hill fast. It's so hard to kick the separation blues when society teaches us from a young age that after marriage a husband and wife live and grow old together. They are rarely apart. In the military life, though, that's just not the case. It's our normal to be together one day and apart for days, weeks, or months the next. We're expected to carry on and live life without the person we married and expected to grow old with. We're expected to understand and not complain. So what do you do on days when you just can't stand it anymore? You write in a blog :)

Murphy's Law

"Anything that can go wrong will go wrong"
I've always heard about Murphy's Law and how us military spouses always get hit with it. I've been in this life for awhile now and I've never had to deal with it.. Until now. I blame it on my husband's deployment AT and upcoming deployment. It's like it can sense that I'm all alone for 3 weeks for the first time. I mean I've been without him for longer and been fine but, now as a married couple. And not with a deployment looming. I feel like it's been waiting for me to be at my lowest to show it's ugly face.

It all started with us having to cancel my husband's going away party because his manager decided she didn't want to give him an extra day off. She wants him back the day after he gets back. I got over it because instead we're going to celebrate his birthday, just the two of us, the day he gets back. Then if he gets his vacation, like he's suppose to before he mobs, we'll reschedule it. If we can't do that then we'll have to suck it up and do some one on one visits.

Sunday night rolls in and I get this horrible pain. What could it be but, a stupid UTI. I haven't had one of those in years but, all of a sudden BAM! On top of being extremely uncomfortable I can't run off to the doctor because I don't know anything about our Tricare insurance. I don't know why I didn't find out. I guess I just figured I've been well for this long. What's 3 more weeks?

Monday comes and it's time for me to go back home. (I was staying with my parents) I go to crank our car. Guess what?... You guessed it. It was dead. We haven't had any problems with it lately but, all of a sudden. The battery is dead. I get my mom to give me a jump. It works so I come home. I didn't get to go to the doctor so I got some Azo and hoped to make it unil...

Today, It started off with NO word from my husband. No good morning like usual. No I love you's. No I'm going to text you when I can. Nothing. I  push it out of my mind and try to find a doctors office that will take Tricare. Wouldn't you know it, none of the offices I usually go to or are around me accept Tricare or aren't in the network. Oh and did I mention my car won't start..again. So now I have to wait until 5.00pm for my dad to get off work to take me to buy a new battery and I can't go to the doctor for another day.
This is all happening while I'm waiting for my debt card to get mailed to me. So I have no access to our money.

In just THREE days, my world has managed to crumble before me. Each day a little more gets piled on. I'm honestly scared to see what happens tomorrow. Stay tuned!

Day Zero

My husband just left for his 3 week AT. Three weeks in this life isn't that long but, no matter how long it is the first day always sucks. Like my husband likes to say about basic "Day Zero is always the worst". Today is my day zero. On top of him being gone he's left me the exciting task of planning a going away party for him for when he gets back. The first thing you should know about why this is a problem is because I am in no way coordinate or crafty enough to have been given this task to begin with. Another VERY annoying reason this is becoming a problem is because of the manager where my husband works. Even though he's an assistant manager and pretty much does everything she does, she's the general manager.He asked to be off for Aug 13- Sep 4 a month and a half ago and she okayed it. Well he took her his orders which is for aug 13-sep 2. She's insisting that he come back on Sep 4th. The problem with that is that's the day of his going away party. I asked my husband if he told her and he said yeah and that she didn't care. We're both beyond pissed! The location is already booked and people have already been told. It was already okayed. My husband keeps saying he's not going no matter what she says and I can see his side but, he's still got 2 weeks left there before he deploys and we unfortunately need that pay check. UGH! It's so upsetting that this is even a problem when his manager knows what's its for. GRRRRRRR....end of rant!

Pre-Deployment

  Our pre-deployment has been really bittersweet. A month after we got married we found out my husband would be deploying. He came home from drill, gave me a kiss, and laid down. I could instantly tell something was wrong. So I asked. Never in a million years did I expect to hear what was about to come out of that sweet mans mouth. All he said was we've been put on alert I'm getting deployed. I sat there. Was this I joke? If it was it wasn't funny. For a second I prayed he was joking but, I could see the look on his face and tell it wasn't. That of course didn't stop me from asking. And it was confirmed. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I didn't know if I should cry, scream, or clean something. My mind was going a million miles a minute but, I couldn’t say anything. I just laid my head on his chest. I don’t know maybe I thought it was all a dream and if I was really still I would wake up from the nightmare. I know what you’re thinking though “didn’t you know it could happen” Well of course I knew. We all know. BUT, I strongly believe that knowing and going through it or hearing it are two different things. There are millions of possibilities but, until they happen you don’t know how you’re going to feel.
It wasn’t until he told me when he was leaving that I realized how hard it was going to be. Instead of it being a short pre-deployment we were about to embark on a rather long wait. Don’t get me wrong. I’m thankful for the time I’ve had with my husband but, I’m not thankful for the wait. If he would have been deployed soon after he found he would be deploying he would be home by now. Instead, we’re just about to start the actual deployment. The pre-deployment wait has felt worse then the thought of being without him for a year because I know once it’s start he’ll be working on coming home. But for the past year what have we been working towards? ANOTHER year of waiting…..

Background Check

First I want to welcome everyone to my page! So.. WELCOME :) Now I want to take a minute to let everyone know a little about myself. I'm Amy. I'm 22 and I was born,raised, and still live in Mississippi with my wonderful husband Chris. My husband and I have been together for 3 years and married for 1. Chris is in the Mississippi Army National Guard. We are about to go through our first deployment and that was my motivation for starting this blog. I wanted something to use up some of my time while he's gone and a way to hopefully help others.
Here's some other facts about me....1) I have two brothers,one half sister, and 3 sister in laws. 2) Chris and I have no children. 3) We do however have  two fur babies Lucy (cat) and Wiggles (Chocolate Lab/chow mix) 4)Chris wants to go active Army when he gets back 4) I pride myself on being as honest as possible. Yes, I slip up every now and then but, hey who doesn't? 5) I'm a ginger and I like it that way. Though I do like to add color to my hair I can never bring myself to dye all of it
I think that's enough of pointless facts for now. I really hope everyone will enjoy my blog and will go through this journey with me :)