Bittersweet Reality

Tuesday, August 30, 2011
I think the title really explains it all. I've been having a lot of those "ah ha" and "uh oh" moments. Time is ticking down. I just don't feel ready. The closer D-day comes the worse my emotions become.
This last week of my husbands annual training has been horrible. I've been sick because I had an allergic reaction to the tongue piercing I got this past Thursday. I had to finally take it out last night. What a waste of 30 dollars. Ugh! I'm still kicking myself over that.

Anyways, when I'm sick I become a big baby. I don't want to have to take care of myself. I don't want to be alone. I don't want my husband to leave me for a year. I don't want to do this. I keep thinking if only my husband would have gotten out this wouldn't be happening. That's one thing that's different about our deployment then others. My husband's contract was going to be up before they deployed. He didn't have to go. He could have walked away. We spent MANY nights fighting and crying and screaming about it. Looking back on it I'm ashamed of the way we both acted. I just couldn't understand why my new husband wanted to leave me so bad. Why this was even a discussion. I guess the shock of things really got the best of me. I've since made peace with it. Their really wasn't a reason to let it drag me down. It wouldn't have done any good because he would still be leaving.

All that brings us to now. The month before "see ya later". There is SOOO much to do in such a short time. Between trying to do the last minute deployment stuff and spending time doing what we want together, I'm moving. This is going to be one stressful,stressful month!!


  1. Lindsey said...:

    Truth of the matter is --you will never actually feel ready! and hopefully no added things have to take play into your emotional rollarcoaster that you are going to have to go through regardless! I feel like I am reading about my life (only a month ago). His deployment date kept moving on us we went to bed numerous nights thinking he was leaving the next day (he actually at one point was suppose to leave in an hour and then ended up not going I HOPE AND PRAY you do not have to go through that) I was moving on top of all of the commotion as well!!! just want you to know im really relating with you and hope to be a helpful hand in anyway possible my dear!

  1. Amy said...:

    I'm so glad I'm not alone in feeling like this. Some days are always better then others but, some days just seem to be overwhelming. I hope we can both help each other through this rollercoaster! :)

  1. Fab Mel said...:

    I totally get this. I keep thinking that I won't be able to do all. That I'll just die without him here everyday. I want everything to be okay, but I feel like sometimes it just won't be. And we've been arguing a lot, and it's mostly because I'm so angry he has to leave. It's not his fault and I'm so proud, but why does it have to be sooo hard??

  1. Amy said...:

    EXACTLY!! I mean don't get me wrong I'm as proud as anyone can be but, it just sucks. I'm not ready to be alone. That was a plus about being married was having someone to go through life with but, the military can take that way anytime they want and it's just not fair. That's what it all comes down to... It's just not fair!

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