Pre-Deployment

  Our pre-deployment has been really bittersweet. A month after we got married we found out my husband would be deploying. He came home from drill, gave me a kiss, and laid down. I could instantly tell something was wrong. So I asked. Never in a million years did I expect to hear what was about to come out of that sweet mans mouth. All he said was we've been put on alert I'm getting deployed. I sat there. Was this I joke? If it was it wasn't funny. For a second I prayed he was joking but, I could see the look on his face and tell it wasn't. That of course didn't stop me from asking. And it was confirmed. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I didn't know if I should cry, scream, or clean something. My mind was going a million miles a minute but, I couldn’t say anything. I just laid my head on his chest. I don’t know maybe I thought it was all a dream and if I was really still I would wake up from the nightmare. I know what you’re thinking though “didn’t you know it could happen” Well of course I knew. We all know. BUT, I strongly believe that knowing and going through it or hearing it are two different things. There are millions of possibilities but, until they happen you don’t know how you’re going to feel.
It wasn’t until he told me when he was leaving that I realized how hard it was going to be. Instead of it being a short pre-deployment we were about to embark on a rather long wait. Don’t get me wrong. I’m thankful for the time I’ve had with my husband but, I’m not thankful for the wait. If he would have been deployed soon after he found he would be deploying he would be home by now. Instead, we’re just about to start the actual deployment. The pre-deployment wait has felt worse then the thought of being without him for a year because I know once it’s start he’ll be working on coming home. But for the past year what have we been working towards? ANOTHER year of waiting…..