Running on Fumes

*deep breath* It seems my life is revolving on these slow, deep breaths. This deployment feels to be lingering the closer homecoming gets. While I should be happy and excited that we're getting closer to the end I find myself irritated and annoyed by not only the extra stresses of finding a place to live and setting it up before he makes his return home but, also worrying about how the next few months or even year is going to go. Getting back to married life suddenly seems like a weird concept. Add on my husband wanting to reenlist for 6 more years and you can expect me to blow at any moment.
I guess it could be the deployment talking when I say I wish my husband wouldn't reenlist. It's true I knew he was in the military when we got married. If I haven't said it i'll say it now, knowing and living are two completely different things. When we got married he talked about getting out because his contract was coming up but, a month after we said "I do" he said "I've got orders". That was it. He had his mind made up before he even left drill to come home to tell me about it that he was going to extend for this deployment. I had no say. I made my peace with it and we enjoyed the time we had left together in our first year of marriage. I should have known then that it wouldn't stop there.
Stay tuned to find out what happens in this adventure of ours. :)

Back in the Saddle

I'm so disappointed in myself. I don't know if anybody reads my posts but, I have completely dropped the ball on what I wanted this blog to be about. I haven't written hardly anything since my husband left. This blog is suppose to be about my journey and I haven't shared anything. FAIL! So on that note....

October- My husband left for our first deployment and I moved back in with my parents to help my mom since she was having surgery. The first few days were a little hard but, nothing I've never felt before. I kept telling myself we would see each other in November because at this point he was just mobing. He hadn't left the states yet.
For those who don't know yet my husband and I have been ttc since march of 2011. We were not successful in making that happen before he deployed so I had been feeling kinda down about that. Well, in good ol' October we found out that BOTH of my husband's sisters are pregnant. Talk about a kick in the ovaries. You could say I was a little...bitter for a little while.

 I wasn't going to let him go without a fight :p (Excuse the mess. He was in the middle of packing)

 My husband's deployment ceremony

 And so it begins.. and yes I did go just a little over board with the yellow ribbons but, you have to undestand that it's not just for my husband. It's for my brother and my friends too.

 Did I mention he's an expert marksman?

 One of his battle buddies

 And enters Multicam...

November-The month to see my husband has finally arrived. YAY! Even though I was excited to see him I was NOT looking forward to flying for the first time so me and two other frg ladies decided to travel together. We carpooled to Alabama and was on our way to Texas. One layover later and we made it to El Paso nice and safe. I was exhausted so the first night was full of sleeping. We had 5 days with each other and we both tried to avoid the inevitable, this time was going to end and we were going to say goodbye. He left me alone in the post hotel my last night there and reported back with the rest of the guys. There I was hundreds of miles from home, alone in a hotel. Needless to say I didn't sleep well that night. He left the states a few days later. Thanksgiving was harder then I thought it would be. We got to talk to each other. I think that made it harder because we just talked about how much we wish he was there and how much we missed each other.

 sporting the new multicam

 My travel buddies

 Worth it!

 Finally on Ft. Bliss

 The gorgeous view from our hotel room on post

 This blog is brought to you by.. me :)

 Their unit rock at McGregor. I wish I would have gotten a picture of all of the rocks from the other unit that's been there. They line the building where they stay. It was really cool.

 In the elevator on the way down to the parking lot to say goodbye and the last time I was with my husband. :(

leaving the states

December- My favorite month. Cold weather, Christmas, and my birthday. Wouldn't you know it that this deployment would kill that mood. Actually the month wasn't that bad. The rocket attacks picked up but, all is well. My husband and his friends seem to be in good spirits. Christmas and New Years were a little depressing but, we got through it and moved on.

 In afghanistan

 mini Christmas Tree, blinking snow flakes, and "Let it Snow" sign to make it a little bit like Christmas

January- Now this month has been......something else. Good and bad. First the bad, tensions have been running high with my husband and I. Just one of those things I guess. I know a lot of people try to fake like they don't have issues when their SO is deployed but, lets be fair. Time doesn't stop when they deploy. You're marriage doesn't stop. Life goes on and in life and marriage problems come up. Like it or not. I'm not going to pretend to be happy if my husband does something I don't think is right just because he's deployed. That to me is ridiculous. Aside from a few minor bumps in the road with us, activity over there is raising. A unit attached to my husband's unit, that's at a different FOB, lost four guys and one injured when their vehicle struck a roadside bomb. Read about the news story here.  I think that hit all the units working together hard....  Now for some good, we found out that one of my sister in laws is having a baby boy. The other sister in law finds out in a week or so (February). We finally paid off the loan that we had to fix our car and now own it again.  It snowed in Afghanistan. Who else is suprised that it snows there? I was floored and thought they were just pulling my leg. They weren't. We also found out that r&r will be in the spring. I will be honest, I was hoping for the summer so it would be closer to homecoming but, he was told he couldn't take it in the summer because of his job and that being their busiest time of the year. I'll take the spring and be happy.

 A few snow flakes. He sent me a video via his ipod that shows the really big snow flakes and it was coming down hard. This picture dosen't do it justice but, it's the only one I have.

Okay, now that we're caught up. I'll try to post more regularly!

Well Hello November,

"There will be days that you don't think you can do it anymore and then tomorrow will come" via Lindsey @Give In To Me

The above quote might seem so simple to "normal" people but, to this ARNG wife it means that there is going to be a break in the dark clouds. I'm not sure if anyone out there noticed I haven't been writing lately. I guess my husband leaving hit me harder then I thought. Add my mom's surgery and the problems that came with it, my in law drama, and my sister in law announcing her suprise and unexpected pregnancy I guess I haven't been up to writing. I've been so down lately, trying to figure out how in the world I can do 11 more months of all of this. How I can make it through 11 more months of being alone. Then I read that quote that was left in my comments and I realized that all you can do is take it one day at a time. Not everyday is bad. It isn't even that hard until I slow down, get relaxed, and get ready for bed.

I get to fly to Texas next week to see my husband on his leave before they official leave the country. I've never flown before and I can tell you I'm not excited about any of the flying experience. I just keep reminding myself that I'm too old to be a big baby (lol) and that I'm doing it for my honey. I'll make sure I post a few pictures of the trip :)

ps. Happy Halloween everyone!!

Down to the Wire

That's right. We're down to the D-day wire. I've been slipping with blogging because of the MAJOR list of to-dos. Oh and we had to move two weeks earlier then planned. My husband was never suppose to move with me but, sometimes things come up. I guess. I'm still a litle ticked off about the whole situation. Anyway back to our to-dos. I can be the worst procrastinator out there but, I've met my match in my husband. Even though we have a crap load to do hours go by and then days and nothing has gotten done. I'm about ready to scream. Getting him to do any of this is like pulling teeth and half of it doesn't even have to do with me. By the time this deployment is over all my beautiful red hair is going to be as white as the cobwebs in the corner of the room. Which reminds me... I need to dust. On another had, Halloween is coming up... Just kidding. I have to find motivation to get some of these things done and stuff unpacked. I guess it's because the thought of my husband leaving my side is so depressing that I would rather not do anything that has to do with him leaving. I know, of course, that can't get the case but, it is fun to think about. Not caring. Not being responsible. Just spending every mintue with each other and hoping those things will just get done all on there own. If only life could be as easy as that.

Yellow Ribbon Program

This past weekend my husband and I, along with about 600 or more other people, attended our first yellow ribbon of our upcoming deployment. For those who do not know what the Yellow Ribbon Program  is, it's a DOD program to help support National Guard and Reserve members and their families with information on benefits and referrals before, during, and after a deployment.


If 9/11 weekend wasn't already hard enough we had to sit and hear about all the military programs to help us as our husband,wives,brothers,sisters, daughters , and sons go away to war. Many for the first time. As hard as it was to face the fact that this is about to happen I can't express how glad I am that my husband and I decided to attend. A lot of people say that the yrp is death by power point and even though it may feel like that if you take the time to actually listen to all the great information they are giving it's really not that bad. The best part of the whole weekend besides my husband and I getting away for the weekend was all the great companies that took time to come tell us about things I know most of the families wouldn't have known about otherwise. They set up booths and we could go by and talk to them personally and pick up pamphlets and booklets along with some nice freebies.

 I was really worried going into it that I wouldn't enjoy it just because it was getting us ready for something I already don't want to think about. I have to admit that the weekend really opened my eyes to a few things. One being that acting like that was just silly. It's so important to be as prepared as possible. The more prepared the better off you'll be to handle the stresses that are bound to come your way. I've also realized that my feelings lately are just getting in my own way. Of course no one wants their loved one to go to war but, letting it consume you will only make it worse. My husband was handed his official orders this weekend while I was standing next to him. It just made me realize that like it or not this is happening. I can let it defeat me or I can get on board. Either way he is leaving. There is absolutely nothing I can do about it and nothing I can do to stop it. I don't have to like it but, I've realized that for the sake of my sanity, my marriage, and my husband it's time to suck it up and get over it. We're not the first couple to have to go through this and we won't be the last!

Life Isn't Fair

UGH! It's September 1st. I can't believe we've come down to our last month. I really thought I was doing better then I am. I guess all we have left to do on top of our "see you later"s is really getting to me. It's times like this that I HATE being an adult. I think this whole experience has really been an eye opener. I've realized how deep my love for my husband goes. I thought I was head strong and an independent thinker before all this. HA I'm realizing now that I haven't seen anything yet. Not only will I have to do for myself but, for my husband too. I have to be the mind for both of us during times we can't talk.
My parents have always told me "Life isn't fair". That statement has taken on a whole new meaning lately. They weren't kidding....
I know in the end I'll be okay but, for now, I'm going to reserve the right to not be okay... just for a little while.....

In saying all of that I want to add this video my brother posted on his facebook and the lyrics that mean the most to me




"You can't hold back the hands of time
It's just something you've got to do
So dry your eyes I understand just what you're going through..."

Bittersweet Reality

I think the title really explains it all. I've been having a lot of those "ah ha" and "uh oh" moments. Time is ticking down. I just don't feel ready. The closer D-day comes the worse my emotions become.
This last week of my husbands annual training has been horrible. I've been sick because I had an allergic reaction to the tongue piercing I got this past Thursday. I had to finally take it out last night. What a waste of 30 dollars. Ugh! I'm still kicking myself over that.

Anyways, when I'm sick I become a big baby. I don't want to have to take care of myself. I don't want to be alone. I don't want my husband to leave me for a year. I don't want to do this. I keep thinking if only my husband would have gotten out this wouldn't be happening. That's one thing that's different about our deployment then others. My husband's contract was going to be up before they deployed. He didn't have to go. He could have walked away. We spent MANY nights fighting and crying and screaming about it. Looking back on it I'm ashamed of the way we both acted. I just couldn't understand why my new husband wanted to leave me so bad. Why this was even a discussion. I guess the shock of things really got the best of me. I've since made peace with it. Their really wasn't a reason to let it drag me down. It wouldn't have done any good because he would still be leaving.

All that brings us to now. The month before "see ya later". There is SOOO much to do in such a short time. Between trying to do the last minute deployment stuff and spending time doing what we want together, I'm moving. This is going to be one stressful,stressful month!!