Back in the Saddle

I'm so disappointed in myself. I don't know if anybody reads my posts but, I have completely dropped the ball on what I wanted this blog to be about. I haven't written hardly anything since my husband left. This blog is suppose to be about my journey and I haven't shared anything. FAIL! So on that note....

October- My husband left for our first deployment and I moved back in with my parents to help my mom since she was having surgery. The first few days were a little hard but, nothing I've never felt before. I kept telling myself we would see each other in November because at this point he was just mobing. He hadn't left the states yet.
For those who don't know yet my husband and I have been ttc since march of 2011. We were not successful in making that happen before he deployed so I had been feeling kinda down about that. Well, in good ol' October we found out that BOTH of my husband's sisters are pregnant. Talk about a kick in the ovaries. You could say I was a little...bitter for a little while.

 I wasn't going to let him go without a fight :p (Excuse the mess. He was in the middle of packing)

 My husband's deployment ceremony

 And so it begins.. and yes I did go just a little over board with the yellow ribbons but, you have to undestand that it's not just for my husband. It's for my brother and my friends too.

 Did I mention he's an expert marksman?

 One of his battle buddies

 And enters Multicam...

November-The month to see my husband has finally arrived. YAY! Even though I was excited to see him I was NOT looking forward to flying for the first time so me and two other frg ladies decided to travel together. We carpooled to Alabama and was on our way to Texas. One layover later and we made it to El Paso nice and safe. I was exhausted so the first night was full of sleeping. We had 5 days with each other and we both tried to avoid the inevitable, this time was going to end and we were going to say goodbye. He left me alone in the post hotel my last night there and reported back with the rest of the guys. There I was hundreds of miles from home, alone in a hotel. Needless to say I didn't sleep well that night. He left the states a few days later. Thanksgiving was harder then I thought it would be. We got to talk to each other. I think that made it harder because we just talked about how much we wish he was there and how much we missed each other.

 sporting the new multicam

 My travel buddies

 Worth it!

 Finally on Ft. Bliss

 The gorgeous view from our hotel room on post

 This blog is brought to you by.. me :)

 Their unit rock at McGregor. I wish I would have gotten a picture of all of the rocks from the other unit that's been there. They line the building where they stay. It was really cool.

 In the elevator on the way down to the parking lot to say goodbye and the last time I was with my husband. :(

leaving the states

December- My favorite month. Cold weather, Christmas, and my birthday. Wouldn't you know it that this deployment would kill that mood. Actually the month wasn't that bad. The rocket attacks picked up but, all is well. My husband and his friends seem to be in good spirits. Christmas and New Years were a little depressing but, we got through it and moved on.

 In afghanistan

 mini Christmas Tree, blinking snow flakes, and "Let it Snow" sign to make it a little bit like Christmas

January- Now this month has been......something else. Good and bad. First the bad, tensions have been running high with my husband and I. Just one of those things I guess. I know a lot of people try to fake like they don't have issues when their SO is deployed but, lets be fair. Time doesn't stop when they deploy. You're marriage doesn't stop. Life goes on and in life and marriage problems come up. Like it or not. I'm not going to pretend to be happy if my husband does something I don't think is right just because he's deployed. That to me is ridiculous. Aside from a few minor bumps in the road with us, activity over there is raising. A unit attached to my husband's unit, that's at a different FOB, lost four guys and one injured when their vehicle struck a roadside bomb. Read about the news story here.  I think that hit all the units working together hard....  Now for some good, we found out that one of my sister in laws is having a baby boy. The other sister in law finds out in a week or so (February). We finally paid off the loan that we had to fix our car and now own it again.  It snowed in Afghanistan. Who else is suprised that it snows there? I was floored and thought they were just pulling my leg. They weren't. We also found out that r&r will be in the spring. I will be honest, I was hoping for the summer so it would be closer to homecoming but, he was told he couldn't take it in the summer because of his job and that being their busiest time of the year. I'll take the spring and be happy.

 A few snow flakes. He sent me a video via his ipod that shows the really big snow flakes and it was coming down hard. This picture dosen't do it justice but, it's the only one I have.

Okay, now that we're caught up. I'll try to post more regularly!

Well Hello November,

"There will be days that you don't think you can do it anymore and then tomorrow will come" via Lindsey @Give In To Me

The above quote might seem so simple to "normal" people but, to this ARNG wife it means that there is going to be a break in the dark clouds. I'm not sure if anyone out there noticed I haven't been writing lately. I guess my husband leaving hit me harder then I thought. Add my mom's surgery and the problems that came with it, my in law drama, and my sister in law announcing her suprise and unexpected pregnancy I guess I haven't been up to writing. I've been so down lately, trying to figure out how in the world I can do 11 more months of all of this. How I can make it through 11 more months of being alone. Then I read that quote that was left in my comments and I realized that all you can do is take it one day at a time. Not everyday is bad. It isn't even that hard until I slow down, get relaxed, and get ready for bed.

I get to fly to Texas next week to see my husband on his leave before they official leave the country. I've never flown before and I can tell you I'm not excited about any of the flying experience. I just keep reminding myself that I'm too old to be a big baby (lol) and that I'm doing it for my honey. I'll make sure I post a few pictures of the trip :)

ps. Happy Halloween everyone!!

Hickory Farms and Christmas Care Package

If anyone is looking for a Christmas Care Package idea check out Hickory Farms. They have put together a few miltary gift packages and are offering free shipping to APO and FPO addresses. These are a tradition in my family. We get one every year so I know they are yummy :)

MOB

My husband left this week. I can't believe our deployment journey has begun.  I am thankful that he'll stay in the states for a few more weeks. Even though we're not in the same state at least I know he's a little safer then if he wasn't. It was harder then I thought but, I'm taking it one deep breath at a time.

Life Isn't Fair

UGH! It's September 1st. I can't believe we've come down to our last month. I really thought I was doing better then I am. I guess all we have left to do on top of our "see you later"s is really getting to me. It's times like this that I HATE being an adult. I think this whole experience has really been an eye opener. I've realized how deep my love for my husband goes. I thought I was head strong and an independent thinker before all this. HA I'm realizing now that I haven't seen anything yet. Not only will I have to do for myself but, for my husband too. I have to be the mind for both of us during times we can't talk.
My parents have always told me "Life isn't fair". That statement has taken on a whole new meaning lately. They weren't kidding....
I know in the end I'll be okay but, for now, I'm going to reserve the right to not be okay... just for a little while.....

In saying all of that I want to add this video my brother posted on his facebook and the lyrics that mean the most to me




"You can't hold back the hands of time
It's just something you've got to do
So dry your eyes I understand just what you're going through..."

Bittersweet Reality

I think the title really explains it all. I've been having a lot of those "ah ha" and "uh oh" moments. Time is ticking down. I just don't feel ready. The closer D-day comes the worse my emotions become.
This last week of my husbands annual training has been horrible. I've been sick because I had an allergic reaction to the tongue piercing I got this past Thursday. I had to finally take it out last night. What a waste of 30 dollars. Ugh! I'm still kicking myself over that.

Anyways, when I'm sick I become a big baby. I don't want to have to take care of myself. I don't want to be alone. I don't want my husband to leave me for a year. I don't want to do this. I keep thinking if only my husband would have gotten out this wouldn't be happening. That's one thing that's different about our deployment then others. My husband's contract was going to be up before they deployed. He didn't have to go. He could have walked away. We spent MANY nights fighting and crying and screaming about it. Looking back on it I'm ashamed of the way we both acted. I just couldn't understand why my new husband wanted to leave me so bad. Why this was even a discussion. I guess the shock of things really got the best of me. I've since made peace with it. Their really wasn't a reason to let it drag me down. It wouldn't have done any good because he would still be leaving.

All that brings us to now. The month before "see ya later". There is SOOO much to do in such a short time. Between trying to do the last minute deployment stuff and spending time doing what we want together, I'm moving. This is going to be one stressful,stressful month!!

2 weeks down, 1 to go

Yesterday marked the two week mark since my husband has been gone to his 3 week AT. It hasn't been bad at all. I really haven't had enough down time to really think about him being gone. Tonight is really the first I've had to myself. Between my brother visiting from England, one of my sister in laws coming over on her days off, and visits to my parents house I've stayed really busy. Now that I'm alone everything is hitting really hard. A week isn't long and we've been apart a lot longer. It's the thought of him deploying soon after he comes home that gets to me. I've learned during this 3 weeks how important it is to stay busy but, I also know that won't always be possible. I don't want people to feel like they have to baby-sit me. But, I can't help but realize how lonely a year is really going to be. With no children, limited friends, and a family that have their own lives I'm going to be completely alone.
Today and what I'm going through reminds me of one of my great grandmothers. She passed away 2 years ago, today, at the age of 98. Her husband, my papaw, fought in WWII. She knew what it was like to be married to an Army man. I would give anything to be able to talk to her right now. To ask her how she did. To ask for her words of wisdom that I miss so much. Their isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss her and my other great grandmother. They were both extremely strong women. I want to hold on to the faith that they will both help me through all this. RIP my beautiful guardian angels!

Helpful Hints

I want to use this entry as an opportunity to list a few helpful things I've learned or come across during our pre-deployment phase and military life. I want to note though that my husband is in the Army National Guard so some of these may or may not apply to everyone. I'm just writing from my personal experience. Any links will be in blue :)

1. Military OneSource- Military OneSource is provided by the Department of Defense at no cost to active duty, Guard and Reserve (regardless of activation status) and their families. It is a virtual extension of installation services.This site has been an absolute God send. I have gotten so many helpful books, cd's, and DVDs sent to my home for FREE. They provide a 24/7 help line, articles, resource guides and so much more!
2. USAA- USAA offers Insurance (auto insurance, property insurance, life insurance), Banking (checking, credit cards, and auto loans),  Investments, Retirement, Real Estate, and they even have a section for shopping and discounts. We personally use their car insurance and we LOVE it! It's the cheapest we've found. We've only made one claim since we've had it but, the experience we had was better then any company we've used. They were speedy, nice, and really helpful through the whole experience. We plan on looking into their banking very soon so stay tuned. :)
3. Army Wife 101- This is a blog like website that is run by an Army wife named Krystel. If you have Facebook,Twitter, or Youtube you HAVE to check her out!
4. Army Wife Network- This site is exactly what it says it is, a network. Blogs, announcements, and articles are just a little of what it offers. I really enjoy following them on Facebook.
5. Spouse Buzz- I just found this site and I'm already in love. It has some really great articles to read.
6. Military Info- You got a question about the military and it's different programs? This is the site to find it on!
7. Books- Chicken Soup for Military Wife's Soul,  Surviving Deployment: A Guide for Military Families by:Karen M. Pavlicin, Homefront Club: The Hardheaded Woman's Guide to Raising a Military Family by:Jacey Eckhart, Heroes at Home: Help and Hope for America's Military Families by: Ellie Kay, A Handbook for Family & Friends of Service Members (before, during and after deployment)(handbook and dvd) by: Inc.Vulcon Productions,PBS, and NOVA/WGBH. Some of these are provided by Military OneSource for free so please click on the link on number 1.

I know that in my experience, knowledge is power. The more I know about what's going on the better I feel. Our spouses can't always tell us all the juicy details we want to know but, we can inform ourselves on the aspects of this life that we can know about. I know with my SO he doesn't always have the time to explain what I need to know or want to know so I find out for myself. I love the look on his face when he talks about something that I already know about and I tell him things he doesn't know about it. I think it also helps him feel more open about talking with me about his military career because it shows that I'm interested in it and he knows he won't have to explain everything to me. I hope some of these resources will help you all. Stay tuned for more to come! :)