Homecoming

Homecoming

Many things come to mind when I think about homecoming. My husband has finally made it to the United States and is a few states over, demobing. I wish they could have just come home but, that's the Guard life for you. So I have a week or so to over analyze things like always.
 You would think I would be occupied with unpacking seeing how I recently just moved our things, with the help of my family, to the next town over. I can't help but, worry.
Worry about the reintergration process. How will we reconnect? How will he feel about being just us again. Our marriage has revolved around this deployment. The first year was spent  preparing for the deployment and the second on the actual deployment. What now? How do you go from depending on yourself to working together again?
We didn't have the easiest deployment, relationship wise. It really shined light on some of our weak areas. I don't know if I'm really over it all yet. I worry that I'll be expected to just jump back into everything and I don't think I can. If I don't I think it could just add to our problems.
This is suppose to be a happy time. I don't think they prepair you enough for what comes after the hugs and kisses. The time when you get in the car and go home. Just some thoughts for the night...

Running on Fumes

*deep breath* It seems my life is revolving on these slow, deep breaths. This deployment feels to be lingering the closer homecoming gets. While I should be happy and excited that we're getting closer to the end I find myself irritated and annoyed by not only the extra stresses of finding a place to live and setting it up before he makes his return home but, also worrying about how the next few months or even year is going to go. Getting back to married life suddenly seems like a weird concept. Add on my husband wanting to reenlist for 6 more years and you can expect me to blow at any moment.
I guess it could be the deployment talking when I say I wish my husband wouldn't reenlist. It's true I knew he was in the military when we got married. If I haven't said it i'll say it now, knowing and living are two completely different things. When we got married he talked about getting out because his contract was coming up but, a month after we said "I do" he said "I've got orders". That was it. He had his mind made up before he even left drill to come home to tell me about it that he was going to extend for this deployment. I had no say. I made my peace with it and we enjoyed the time we had left together in our first year of marriage. I should have known then that it wouldn't stop there.
Stay tuned to find out what happens in this adventure of ours. :)

Valentine's Day Care package

Here is my quick post about the care package I sent my husband for Valentine's Day :)

First, I used one the APO/large flat rate boxes that you can get at your local post office or online at the USPS website.

The first picture is how I decorated it. 1) I use Scotch permanent double sided tape. 2) I like to use the wrapping paper with the lines on the back. It's a lot easier to cut a straight line with and to measure the size that you need. I cute them into strips measuring from the flap (flat,open) to the side and to the bottom. I know some people just like to put paper on the flap, which is fine. I just like to cover all of the brown area. 3) When I'm finished covering all sides, I like to cut one square the size of the bottom to cover any empty spaces or lines from the paper strips. 4) I found these really cute heart and "love" decorations at my local WalMart. Each pack was 97 cents. 5) Their were two kinds of hearts, glitter and worded. 6) This is what it looked like when I was finished. Make sure when you have something as thick as the "love" word that you put it on the flap that you fold into the box and not on top of the other flaps. And have fun with it. I put the hearts on top of each other and some going a different direction. I also made sure I mixed up the colors.

For this box I decided to try my hand at making a "Cake In A Jar". It was really easy. Before anything, wash your jars, lids, and tops! My box of cake mix filled 5 jars. 1) I used a Duncan Hines Red Velvet cake mix. You can use any kind. 2) I got a box of 12 Ball jars. You don't need that many unless you just want to make 12 jars full lol That's just the only kind I could find in WalMart. 3) The jars are Wide Mouth Pint size jars. 4) Make sure you  preheat to 350f and grease the jars before you start making your cake. 5) Make your cake the way the box says. 6) Pour your cake mix into your greased jars, making sure to keep the rims and outside of the jar as clean as possible. To insure this I used a measuring cup. 6) Fill your jars about a cup worth full. The jars I used has the measurements on it. It ends up being about a half a jar full. 7)Place your jars on a cookie sheet to keep them from tipping over in the oven. 8) While your cake is cooking, boil your lids in a pot of water. I waited towards the end of my baking because I was afraid they'd cook for to long. (I haven't done any kind of canning if you can not tell). 9) After you've cooked your cake for about 30 minutes, take it out and do the "toothpick" test. If the toothpick is clean of raw dough it's read. As my mom pointed out, crumbs are ok to have on the tooth pick as long as it's not raw cake batter. I ended up needing about two more minutes for mine. 10) After you've determined that your cake is ready and you've taken them out, while they are still hot, put your still hot lids on your jar and carefully screw on the tops. As they cool they will seal. Listen for the "ping" sound to know they are sealed. If you miss the sound, wait for them to cool and then push the top of the lid. If it doesn't move it's already sealed. 11) If you want to make it special you can dress it up with ribbon like I did in the above pictures or even use stickers or paint.

Send along a few plastic forks or spoons and a container of frosting and you're all set. Make sure you wrap them in something that will keep the glass from breaking and will keep it contained if it does break.

This is what his box looked like before I sealed it. I sent

1) Two "Cake in a Jar"s

2) One container of cream cheese frosting

3) One large Hershey's Kiss

4) A container of pink Cotton Candy

5) A blue heart shaped box of chocolates

6) A dvd ( X-Men First Class)

7) A blue stuffed animal monkey

8) A cute dog box with animal crackers

9) A Kodak Easyshare digital camera via Walmart's after Christmas sell

10) I got a bag of Valentine's cherry suckers and heart message candies and I spread them around

in the box.

Back in the Saddle

I'm so disappointed in myself. I don't know if anybody reads my posts but, I have completely dropped the ball on what I wanted this blog to be about. I haven't written hardly anything since my husband left. This blog is suppose to be about my journey and I haven't shared anything. FAIL! So on that note....

October- My husband left for our first deployment and I moved back in with my parents to help my mom since she was having surgery. The first few days were a little hard but, nothing I've never felt before. I kept telling myself we would see each other in November because at this point he was just mobing. He hadn't left the states yet.
For those who don't know yet my husband and I have been ttc since march of 2011. We were not successful in making that happen before he deployed so I had been feeling kinda down about that. Well, in good ol' October we found out that BOTH of my husband's sisters are pregnant. Talk about a kick in the ovaries. You could say I was a little...bitter for a little while.

 I wasn't going to let him go without a fight :p (Excuse the mess. He was in the middle of packing)

 My husband's deployment ceremony

 And so it begins.. and yes I did go just a little over board with the yellow ribbons but, you have to undestand that it's not just for my husband. It's for my brother and my friends too.

 Did I mention he's an expert marksman?

 One of his battle buddies

 And enters Multicam...

November-The month to see my husband has finally arrived. YAY! Even though I was excited to see him I was NOT looking forward to flying for the first time so me and two other frg ladies decided to travel together. We carpooled to Alabama and was on our way to Texas. One layover later and we made it to El Paso nice and safe. I was exhausted so the first night was full of sleeping. We had 5 days with each other and we both tried to avoid the inevitable, this time was going to end and we were going to say goodbye. He left me alone in the post hotel my last night there and reported back with the rest of the guys. There I was hundreds of miles from home, alone in a hotel. Needless to say I didn't sleep well that night. He left the states a few days later. Thanksgiving was harder then I thought it would be. We got to talk to each other. I think that made it harder because we just talked about how much we wish he was there and how much we missed each other.

 sporting the new multicam

 My travel buddies

 Worth it!

 Finally on Ft. Bliss

 The gorgeous view from our hotel room on post

 This blog is brought to you by.. me :)

 Their unit rock at McGregor. I wish I would have gotten a picture of all of the rocks from the other unit that's been there. They line the building where they stay. It was really cool.

 In the elevator on the way down to the parking lot to say goodbye and the last time I was with my husband. :(

leaving the states

December- My favorite month. Cold weather, Christmas, and my birthday. Wouldn't you know it that this deployment would kill that mood. Actually the month wasn't that bad. The rocket attacks picked up but, all is well. My husband and his friends seem to be in good spirits. Christmas and New Years were a little depressing but, we got through it and moved on.

 In afghanistan

 mini Christmas Tree, blinking snow flakes, and "Let it Snow" sign to make it a little bit like Christmas

January- Now this month has been......something else. Good and bad. First the bad, tensions have been running high with my husband and I. Just one of those things I guess. I know a lot of people try to fake like they don't have issues when their SO is deployed but, lets be fair. Time doesn't stop when they deploy. You're marriage doesn't stop. Life goes on and in life and marriage problems come up. Like it or not. I'm not going to pretend to be happy if my husband does something I don't think is right just because he's deployed. That to me is ridiculous. Aside from a few minor bumps in the road with us, activity over there is raising. A unit attached to my husband's unit, that's at a different FOB, lost four guys and one injured when their vehicle struck a roadside bomb. Read about the news story here.  I think that hit all the units working together hard....  Now for some good, we found out that one of my sister in laws is having a baby boy. The other sister in law finds out in a week or so (February). We finally paid off the loan that we had to fix our car and now own it again.  It snowed in Afghanistan. Who else is suprised that it snows there? I was floored and thought they were just pulling my leg. They weren't. We also found out that r&r will be in the spring. I will be honest, I was hoping for the summer so it would be closer to homecoming but, he was told he couldn't take it in the summer because of his job and that being their busiest time of the year. I'll take the spring and be happy.

 A few snow flakes. He sent me a video via his ipod that shows the really big snow flakes and it was coming down hard. This picture dosen't do it justice but, it's the only one I have.

Okay, now that we're caught up. I'll try to post more regularly!

A Special Valentine's Message

Valentine's Day is coming fast and since my husband is over seas I was trying to find a way to make it a little special. I came across a great idea posted by a fellow military spouse on facebook. Thanks to Stars and Stripes you can not only send a online message but, a newspaper message to your loved one over seas in the European, Pacific and Mideast editions of Stars and Stripes on February 14. Click this link ----> Stars and Stripes . For your message to appear in the February 14th edition you have to send in your message by January 24th. It does take a little time to get approved so turn it in now!!!! If you don't get it in by then don't worry, you still have until February 13th to do an online message that will appear on the above link. All your loved one has to do is search for the name you enter the message as and they can read it on there. I think this is a very special way to send an I love you. I can't wait to hear what my husband says when he sees his special message. :)

Well Hello November,

"There will be days that you don't think you can do it anymore and then tomorrow will come" via Lindsey @Give In To Me

The above quote might seem so simple to "normal" people but, to this ARNG wife it means that there is going to be a break in the dark clouds. I'm not sure if anyone out there noticed I haven't been writing lately. I guess my husband leaving hit me harder then I thought. Add my mom's surgery and the problems that came with it, my in law drama, and my sister in law announcing her suprise and unexpected pregnancy I guess I haven't been up to writing. I've been so down lately, trying to figure out how in the world I can do 11 more months of all of this. How I can make it through 11 more months of being alone. Then I read that quote that was left in my comments and I realized that all you can do is take it one day at a time. Not everyday is bad. It isn't even that hard until I slow down, get relaxed, and get ready for bed.

I get to fly to Texas next week to see my husband on his leave before they official leave the country. I've never flown before and I can tell you I'm not excited about any of the flying experience. I just keep reminding myself that I'm too old to be a big baby (lol) and that I'm doing it for my honey. I'll make sure I post a few pictures of the trip :)

ps. Happy Halloween everyone!!

Hickory Farms and Christmas Care Package

If anyone is looking for a Christmas Care Package idea check out Hickory Farms. They have put together a few miltary gift packages and are offering free shipping to APO and FPO addresses. These are a tradition in my family. We get one every year so I know they are yummy :)

MOB

My husband left this week. I can't believe our deployment journey has begun.  I am thankful that he'll stay in the states for a few more weeks. Even though we're not in the same state at least I know he's a little safer then if he wasn't. It was harder then I thought but, I'm taking it one deep breath at a time.

Down to the Wire

That's right. We're down to the D-day wire. I've been slipping with blogging because of the MAJOR list of to-dos. Oh and we had to move two weeks earlier then planned. My husband was never suppose to move with me but, sometimes things come up. I guess. I'm still a litle ticked off about the whole situation. Anyway back to our to-dos. I can be the worst procrastinator out there but, I've met my match in my husband. Even though we have a crap load to do hours go by and then days and nothing has gotten done. I'm about ready to scream. Getting him to do any of this is like pulling teeth and half of it doesn't even have to do with me. By the time this deployment is over all my beautiful red hair is going to be as white as the cobwebs in the corner of the room. Which reminds me... I need to dust. On another had, Halloween is coming up... Just kidding. I have to find motivation to get some of these things done and stuff unpacked. I guess it's because the thought of my husband leaving my side is so depressing that I would rather not do anything that has to do with him leaving. I know, of course, that can't get the case but, it is fun to think about. Not caring. Not being responsible. Just spending every mintue with each other and hoping those things will just get done all on there own. If only life could be as easy as that.

Yellow Ribbon Program

This past weekend my husband and I, along with about 600 or more other people, attended our first yellow ribbon of our upcoming deployment. For those who do not know what the Yellow Ribbon Program  is, it's a DOD program to help support National Guard and Reserve members and their families with information on benefits and referrals before, during, and after a deployment.


If 9/11 weekend wasn't already hard enough we had to sit and hear about all the military programs to help us as our husband,wives,brothers,sisters, daughters , and sons go away to war. Many for the first time. As hard as it was to face the fact that this is about to happen I can't express how glad I am that my husband and I decided to attend. A lot of people say that the yrp is death by power point and even though it may feel like that if you take the time to actually listen to all the great information they are giving it's really not that bad. The best part of the whole weekend besides my husband and I getting away for the weekend was all the great companies that took time to come tell us about things I know most of the families wouldn't have known about otherwise. They set up booths and we could go by and talk to them personally and pick up pamphlets and booklets along with some nice freebies.

 I was really worried going into it that I wouldn't enjoy it just because it was getting us ready for something I already don't want to think about. I have to admit that the weekend really opened my eyes to a few things. One being that acting like that was just silly. It's so important to be as prepared as possible. The more prepared the better off you'll be to handle the stresses that are bound to come your way. I've also realized that my feelings lately are just getting in my own way. Of course no one wants their loved one to go to war but, letting it consume you will only make it worse. My husband was handed his official orders this weekend while I was standing next to him. It just made me realize that like it or not this is happening. I can let it defeat me or I can get on board. Either way he is leaving. There is absolutely nothing I can do about it and nothing I can do to stop it. I don't have to like it but, I've realized that for the sake of my sanity, my marriage, and my husband it's time to suck it up and get over it. We're not the first couple to have to go through this and we won't be the last!

Lists, lists, and more lists

As D-day gets closer I find myself making lists. So many lists. To do lists, to pack lists, activities lists, and to buy lists. All these lists are saying to me is "times a ticking!" It's time to kick it into high gear!! Most of my lists are pre-deployment lists. If you're a list person and looking for a pre-deployment check list check this one out! > USAA :) 

I just don't want to forget anything. When my husband went to his 3 week AT so many things went wrong because we weren't as prepared as I thought we were. I can't let that happen this time. I mean this isn't a 3 week trip. This is a 365 day trip! There isn't room to not be prepared.

With roughly 3 weeks left I can already feel a nervous break down coming on. WATCH OUT! haha

Labor Day weekend

It's been a roller coaster of a weekend. It all started Thursday night. As I mentioned in an earlier post we had to cancel my husband's going away party because his manager decided to make him work. Or so we thought. He called to get his schedule Thursday and she had him off Saturday and Sunday. I can't express how pissed I was about it. After all the crap she put us through about wanting that day off and then she gives him that day off AFTER we cancelled it. REALLY?
Friday comes and I tried to let go of the stress of different things and get excited about my husband coming home and his suprise birthday party. I was already upset because his parents and one of his sisters back out of coming to his birthday dinner. So we're left with my parents, two brothers, and one of his sisters. By this point I was just done with the whole thing. I go and pick my husband up and we have a good dinner and he seemed to enjoy his self. We are on the ride home and he decides it's a good time to confess that he didn't tell me that he did something he wasn't suppose to do while he was gone. I already have trust issues so I snapped. He leaves when we get home and I just go to bed. I had enough.
Saturday is here and we make up. All day. haha There isn't much to say about Saturday other then, I never realized how important a simple touch can be until you haven't had that feeling in awhile.
Sunday was pretty lazy too. I was a little bummed that we didn't do anything with his two days off but, he had been gone for 3 weeks training so I tried to understand that he wasn't in the mood to get up and do anything.
Now we're at Monday. It started raining early this morning thanks to hurricane Lee. I don't mind it too much. I love the rain and it helps the temperatures come down. I've spent the day alone since Chris had to work a double today. And we're in for the same tomorrow. It's just so good to finally have him home. I don't look forward to next months and having to say our good-byes.....

Life Isn't Fair

UGH! It's September 1st. I can't believe we've come down to our last month. I really thought I was doing better then I am. I guess all we have left to do on top of our "see you later"s is really getting to me. It's times like this that I HATE being an adult. I think this whole experience has really been an eye opener. I've realized how deep my love for my husband goes. I thought I was head strong and an independent thinker before all this. HA I'm realizing now that I haven't seen anything yet. Not only will I have to do for myself but, for my husband too. I have to be the mind for both of us during times we can't talk.
My parents have always told me "Life isn't fair". That statement has taken on a whole new meaning lately. They weren't kidding....
I know in the end I'll be okay but, for now, I'm going to reserve the right to not be okay... just for a little while.....

In saying all of that I want to add this video my brother posted on his facebook and the lyrics that mean the most to me




"You can't hold back the hands of time
It's just something you've got to do
So dry your eyes I understand just what you're going through..."

Bittersweet Reality

I think the title really explains it all. I've been having a lot of those "ah ha" and "uh oh" moments. Time is ticking down. I just don't feel ready. The closer D-day comes the worse my emotions become.
This last week of my husbands annual training has been horrible. I've been sick because I had an allergic reaction to the tongue piercing I got this past Thursday. I had to finally take it out last night. What a waste of 30 dollars. Ugh! I'm still kicking myself over that.

Anyways, when I'm sick I become a big baby. I don't want to have to take care of myself. I don't want to be alone. I don't want my husband to leave me for a year. I don't want to do this. I keep thinking if only my husband would have gotten out this wouldn't be happening. That's one thing that's different about our deployment then others. My husband's contract was going to be up before they deployed. He didn't have to go. He could have walked away. We spent MANY nights fighting and crying and screaming about it. Looking back on it I'm ashamed of the way we both acted. I just couldn't understand why my new husband wanted to leave me so bad. Why this was even a discussion. I guess the shock of things really got the best of me. I've since made peace with it. Their really wasn't a reason to let it drag me down. It wouldn't have done any good because he would still be leaving.

All that brings us to now. The month before "see ya later". There is SOOO much to do in such a short time. Between trying to do the last minute deployment stuff and spending time doing what we want together, I'm moving. This is going to be one stressful,stressful month!!

2 weeks down, 1 to go

Yesterday marked the two week mark since my husband has been gone to his 3 week AT. It hasn't been bad at all. I really haven't had enough down time to really think about him being gone. Tonight is really the first I've had to myself. Between my brother visiting from England, one of my sister in laws coming over on her days off, and visits to my parents house I've stayed really busy. Now that I'm alone everything is hitting really hard. A week isn't long and we've been apart a lot longer. It's the thought of him deploying soon after he comes home that gets to me. I've learned during this 3 weeks how important it is to stay busy but, I also know that won't always be possible. I don't want people to feel like they have to baby-sit me. But, I can't help but realize how lonely a year is really going to be. With no children, limited friends, and a family that have their own lives I'm going to be completely alone.
Today and what I'm going through reminds me of one of my great grandmothers. She passed away 2 years ago, today, at the age of 98. Her husband, my papaw, fought in WWII. She knew what it was like to be married to an Army man. I would give anything to be able to talk to her right now. To ask her how she did. To ask for her words of wisdom that I miss so much. Their isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss her and my other great grandmother. They were both extremely strong women. I want to hold on to the faith that they will both help me through all this. RIP my beautiful guardian angels!

Helpful Hints

I want to use this entry as an opportunity to list a few helpful things I've learned or come across during our pre-deployment phase and military life. I want to note though that my husband is in the Army National Guard so some of these may or may not apply to everyone. I'm just writing from my personal experience. Any links will be in blue :)

1. Military OneSource- Military OneSource is provided by the Department of Defense at no cost to active duty, Guard and Reserve (regardless of activation status) and their families. It is a virtual extension of installation services.This site has been an absolute God send. I have gotten so many helpful books, cd's, and DVDs sent to my home for FREE. They provide a 24/7 help line, articles, resource guides and so much more!
2. USAA- USAA offers Insurance (auto insurance, property insurance, life insurance), Banking (checking, credit cards, and auto loans),  Investments, Retirement, Real Estate, and they even have a section for shopping and discounts. We personally use their car insurance and we LOVE it! It's the cheapest we've found. We've only made one claim since we've had it but, the experience we had was better then any company we've used. They were speedy, nice, and really helpful through the whole experience. We plan on looking into their banking very soon so stay tuned. :)
3. Army Wife 101- This is a blog like website that is run by an Army wife named Krystel. If you have Facebook,Twitter, or Youtube you HAVE to check her out!
4. Army Wife Network- This site is exactly what it says it is, a network. Blogs, announcements, and articles are just a little of what it offers. I really enjoy following them on Facebook.
5. Spouse Buzz- I just found this site and I'm already in love. It has some really great articles to read.
6. Military Info- You got a question about the military and it's different programs? This is the site to find it on!
7. Books- Chicken Soup for Military Wife's Soul,  Surviving Deployment: A Guide for Military Families by:Karen M. Pavlicin, Homefront Club: The Hardheaded Woman's Guide to Raising a Military Family by:Jacey Eckhart, Heroes at Home: Help and Hope for America's Military Families by: Ellie Kay, A Handbook for Family & Friends of Service Members (before, during and after deployment)(handbook and dvd) by: Inc.Vulcon Productions,PBS, and NOVA/WGBH. Some of these are provided by Military OneSource for free so please click on the link on number 1.

I know that in my experience, knowledge is power. The more I know about what's going on the better I feel. Our spouses can't always tell us all the juicy details we want to know but, we can inform ourselves on the aspects of this life that we can know about. I know with my SO he doesn't always have the time to explain what I need to know or want to know so I find out for myself. I love the look on his face when he talks about something that I already know about and I tell him things he doesn't know about it. I think it also helps him feel more open about talking with me about his military career because it shows that I'm interested in it and he knows he won't have to explain everything to me. I hope some of these resources will help you all. Stay tuned for more to come! :)


 

Some days...

Ever notice how some days are better then others when a loved one is gone? I can be having a perfectly fine day and one song or smell or object can send it down hill fast. It's so hard to kick the separation blues when society teaches us from a young age that after marriage a husband and wife live and grow old together. They are rarely apart. In the military life, though, that's just not the case. It's our normal to be together one day and apart for days, weeks, or months the next. We're expected to carry on and live life without the person we married and expected to grow old with. We're expected to understand and not complain. So what do you do on days when you just can't stand it anymore? You write in a blog :)

Murphy's Law

"Anything that can go wrong will go wrong"
I've always heard about Murphy's Law and how us military spouses always get hit with it. I've been in this life for awhile now and I've never had to deal with it.. Until now. I blame it on my husband's deployment AT and upcoming deployment. It's like it can sense that I'm all alone for 3 weeks for the first time. I mean I've been without him for longer and been fine but, now as a married couple. And not with a deployment looming. I feel like it's been waiting for me to be at my lowest to show it's ugly face.

It all started with us having to cancel my husband's going away party because his manager decided she didn't want to give him an extra day off. She wants him back the day after he gets back. I got over it because instead we're going to celebrate his birthday, just the two of us, the day he gets back. Then if he gets his vacation, like he's suppose to before he mobs, we'll reschedule it. If we can't do that then we'll have to suck it up and do some one on one visits.

Sunday night rolls in and I get this horrible pain. What could it be but, a stupid UTI. I haven't had one of those in years but, all of a sudden BAM! On top of being extremely uncomfortable I can't run off to the doctor because I don't know anything about our Tricare insurance. I don't know why I didn't find out. I guess I just figured I've been well for this long. What's 3 more weeks?

Monday comes and it's time for me to go back home. (I was staying with my parents) I go to crank our car. Guess what?... You guessed it. It was dead. We haven't had any problems with it lately but, all of a sudden. The battery is dead. I get my mom to give me a jump. It works so I come home. I didn't get to go to the doctor so I got some Azo and hoped to make it unil...

Today, It started off with NO word from my husband. No good morning like usual. No I love you's. No I'm going to text you when I can. Nothing. I  push it out of my mind and try to find a doctors office that will take Tricare. Wouldn't you know it, none of the offices I usually go to or are around me accept Tricare or aren't in the network. Oh and did I mention my car won't start..again. So now I have to wait until 5.00pm for my dad to get off work to take me to buy a new battery and I can't go to the doctor for another day.
This is all happening while I'm waiting for my debt card to get mailed to me. So I have no access to our money.

In just THREE days, my world has managed to crumble before me. Each day a little more gets piled on. I'm honestly scared to see what happens tomorrow. Stay tuned!

Day Zero

My husband just left for his 3 week AT. Three weeks in this life isn't that long but, no matter how long it is the first day always sucks. Like my husband likes to say about basic "Day Zero is always the worst". Today is my day zero. On top of him being gone he's left me the exciting task of planning a going away party for him for when he gets back. The first thing you should know about why this is a problem is because I am in no way coordinate or crafty enough to have been given this task to begin with. Another VERY annoying reason this is becoming a problem is because of the manager where my husband works. Even though he's an assistant manager and pretty much does everything she does, she's the general manager.He asked to be off for Aug 13- Sep 4 a month and a half ago and she okayed it. Well he took her his orders which is for aug 13-sep 2. She's insisting that he come back on Sep 4th. The problem with that is that's the day of his going away party. I asked my husband if he told her and he said yeah and that she didn't care. We're both beyond pissed! The location is already booked and people have already been told. It was already okayed. My husband keeps saying he's not going no matter what she says and I can see his side but, he's still got 2 weeks left there before he deploys and we unfortunately need that pay check. UGH! It's so upsetting that this is even a problem when his manager knows what's its for. GRRRRRRR....end of rant!

Pre-Deployment

  Our pre-deployment has been really bittersweet. A month after we got married we found out my husband would be deploying. He came home from drill, gave me a kiss, and laid down. I could instantly tell something was wrong. So I asked. Never in a million years did I expect to hear what was about to come out of that sweet mans mouth. All he said was we've been put on alert I'm getting deployed. I sat there. Was this I joke? If it was it wasn't funny. For a second I prayed he was joking but, I could see the look on his face and tell it wasn't. That of course didn't stop me from asking. And it was confirmed. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I didn't know if I should cry, scream, or clean something. My mind was going a million miles a minute but, I couldn’t say anything. I just laid my head on his chest. I don’t know maybe I thought it was all a dream and if I was really still I would wake up from the nightmare. I know what you’re thinking though “didn’t you know it could happen” Well of course I knew. We all know. BUT, I strongly believe that knowing and going through it or hearing it are two different things. There are millions of possibilities but, until they happen you don’t know how you’re going to feel.
It wasn’t until he told me when he was leaving that I realized how hard it was going to be. Instead of it being a short pre-deployment we were about to embark on a rather long wait. Don’t get me wrong. I’m thankful for the time I’ve had with my husband but, I’m not thankful for the wait. If he would have been deployed soon after he found he would be deploying he would be home by now. Instead, we’re just about to start the actual deployment. The pre-deployment wait has felt worse then the thought of being without him for a year because I know once it’s start he’ll be working on coming home. But for the past year what have we been working towards? ANOTHER year of waiting…..